We don't have much time left. We're losing time. Thesis. Job-hunting. What is going to happen after September 9th 2011 seemed like a futuristic question a while ago. But not any more. Kitchen party was getting serious. People were talking about jobs, blogs, Linkedin groups. Who has got a job, who has not. Who is struggling with their thesis, who has great supervisor with great interviewee contacts ready for them. Who is going for another interview or assessment centre. Who is moving back to their home countries after studies.
Personal development training day was on June 24th, when I clapped my hands like crazy, got completely wet in a dragon boat race and got a cold straight after - and was not appreciated in any way for what I did for the team. Which is fine. If we expect for returns and recognition for everything we do for others, we're only going to be very, very disappointed from time to time. No one will truly appreciate what you contribute. Self-motivation is what keeps me going all these years. Can never do good enough, or shout loud enough about your own achievements or what you have been doing altruistically for others. Sometimes perhaps one should be more selfish. I enjoy though, organising things for people, preparing surprises, cooking and sharing. While no one ever asks to contribute a little bit to all the money I spent on preparing those little treats or big meals for 10, I mean it's okay - it's for friends sharing, enjoying each others' company. I'm not from a rich family otherwise I wouldn't care - I have always worked so hard every single holiday while I'm in this country to earn some extra money for subsistence. I work very, very hard to achieve what I have to achieve. But really, not everything you're doing for them is ever being appreciated. I was just really upset every now and then. Obviously it is going to be the same, if not worse in the real world. Mental toughness. Have principles. Say no. Be mentally strong to cope with all the unfairs and storms in life. I will have to move on and learn from lessons.
Almost 11 months in the village of Cranfield. The moment of truth is near. Soon enough we will say goodbye to each other and move on in our lives. Whatever we do, wherever we will be, it's gonna be a brand new page and Cranfield is going to be archived in our memory. A rather emotional time, really. I can't imagine the day when we all meet up in Grad Admin or wherever to submit our carefully binded theses, nervous and relieved. Before that day, we just have to keep going.
Work placement. I know I should not be compromising too much given the skills, knowledge and experience I have had for what I am capable of doing. Having got used to being paid 8 pound per hour on some jobs, this work placement is not ideal at all. But still, when an opportunity knocks, after a long and difficult debate with myself, I said yes. What I am putting myself through is an incredibly busy summer all the way to October.
No more freedom. No more leisure. Lots of struggle. 3 hours of bus travelling by the often fashionably late Stagecoach buses - Venus 1 from Cranfield University to Bedford then Mars 3 between Bedford and the business park - then a 7 minutes walk into the office. Buses in the village are not as frequently as we would like them to be. There is just one bus heading as far as Cranfield University from Bedford, which is understandable - not many students are travelling in between very much during the day. But what this implies is: if you missed that very bus going into the university, you have to wait for another hour in the middle of Wooton Village. Taxis are available at 12-15 quid. I just went to the company for a 2-hour induction but I started travelling on the bus at 8.40am and came back to uni at 15.00 sharp...
Why do I have to put myself through difficult tasks? Why do I always challenge myself too much? I mean after all the hard work I know I will be pleased for the experience and what I have learnt by then. But it is painful. 3 hours a day on the bus, makes it 180 hours over the course of three months! I can do so much with that time. A Megarider day ticket costs a shocking GBP10.30. At my own expense which is supposed to be covered by the allowance which is nothing compared to my previous roles. On top of time and money, I have my terrible motion-sickness to overcome along the wiggly country roads in and out of every single village, trying not to think about the dizziness after the long journey. As I was waiting in the middle of a village, I even wrote Cranfield Uni on a notebook, waving to the cars approaching, hoping that someone would be kind enough to give me a lift for that 4-mile trip which I had to wait for 1 hour. Could have walked actually, if there was a safe pedestrian path...Basically I was just a bit upset, feeling a bit stupid for everything I am doing to stretch myself and to enrich my CV with some responsibilities directly relevant to what I would like to do in my future career. Just that I am pushing myself so much and paying a lot for what they are.
Michelle, be strong! You can do it. Just don't give up. Love yourself. Have faith in yourself. You will do great stuff!
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